Tuesday, February 28, 2012

A Race Against Time ...


I was getting ready to make lunch last Sunday 26th February when hubby came to the fridge to get a drink. As he opens the door , he told me that we have to go to Belgium by the end of this week inorder to say goodbye to his father and he started crying like a baby infront of me. I was stunned coz I thought his father had died. But he immediately said that he got only a month to live and we have to come to say goodbye to him before it's too late. It was a shocking news but I knew it would come one of these months but didn't expect to be this soon though.

Hubby n I were not  speaking to each other and I don't even look at him even when we live in the same house for over a year now. Our relationship had gone down from being married to worst enemies. It's better that way coz I now finally got so tired of forgiving over n over again !

I can't help myself bursting into tears just like him so I went to the laundry area and cried my eyes out . My father in law is such a great guy and he's been very nice to me all these years. He 's the one I had confided with when any problems arise between his son & I. I would say that he'd been by far a great person in his heart & mind. To see him in his death bed must be the hardest thing I could ever imagine happening for me and the rest of the family . It's so heartbreaking to see the good ones go in a very painful manner.

 He's been very sick since last year but he tried his very best and  with his will power  , he was able to manage to come to Perth for his last holiday . His aim was to see his son and  grandchildren and spend some moments with us. He & His wife took the risk of travelling for several hours from Belgium to Perth and endured all consequences despite of his illness just to spend his precious time bonding with us.

In fact, mother in law was also not so well after her previous surgery. She herself was also trying her best to feel physically good when in fact she has to be cared for. Pepe was very attentive with her needs all the while during their stay here. How he loves her dearly. She is one very lucky woman to have found a great man like Pepe.

Although unfortunately, their stay here in Perth wasn't that all good despite of the travel we made to Margaret River for family bonding. The tensions of trying to hide my feelings and blending with them as a family just hits me to the core. I felt so bad being put in a situation of smiling or trying to look happy when in fact i am not at all when in the company of their son. To be in the same room with him is like being in a cage of hell. I just hate his presence. I was so unhappy that I had spent most of my time in Margaret river being away from them. Keeping myself busy making my passion that served as my constant solution for the on & off palpitations , stress & anxiety i was having during those moments.

 For me .. it's the best time for their son to pay his respects for them as his parents. He owed them a lot in this world so he needed the bonding with them much more than anyone else.

Being in Margaret River gave my parents in law the biggest eye opener for them to see what's the real score between hubby & I.  They tried to ignore what they had seen happening within our relationship but deep inside I know that they're crying in each others arms at the end of the day in the privacy of their room. I had felt their sadness too and how it breaks my heart to see them suffer in silence just to hide things from my children. But life has to go on ... especially for me who is constantly finding a solution on my own to all my grievances. I still got time to do things in my life and I guess I need to set my feet forward for them to know that time , emotional / mental abuse and heartaches had transformed me into a totally new person . Someone real strong in character fighting & voicing out her feelings unlike before being as a person helplessly crying in a corner all the time and giving in to everyone else's wishes. That woman had long gone ...

Indeed it's soulbreaking but this is the moment they have to finally realize that our marriage isn't what it was before. It's not a bag full of roses anymore but of thorns poking into ourselves each time we're near each other. A lot had changed since we had moved in Perth from Singapore. About time they realize I had given up on the hope of keeping my marriage going . It takes 2 to Tango as a cliche goes and I was the only one dancing to the tunes so ... I just got so tired after a while. Not worth to sacrifice myself anymore for the convenience of others around me. My position in life is not to live life for the convenience of others thru my expense. I need the respect I deserve for the sacrifices I had given. That's my point and my life is not supposed to be tailor made to fit theirs according to their lifestyle... a truth that's surely like a bomb exploding into everyone's minds at this moment. I hardly speak of anything for myself ever since but now ,,, I just have to do it while I still have the time and opportunity to say so while people can hear me. Painful truth but being honest is how people would realize the kind of person I am.

Anyways, I'm gonna start packing our bags today & tomorrow for the trip to Belgium this coming Thursday 1st of March. This is probably the most memorable trip I would ever had in my life. To finally say goodbye to someone so good & respectful. Not easy but I will try to keep my head up most of the times but surely,,, I won't hold my tears back. A good man is worth every tear drop I still have left inside my eyes.

So to our  most dearest Pepe ( as we fondly call him ) ... may your precious time be filled with moments of joys and happiness with your loved ones who lovingly care for you ... I do wish from the bottom of my heart that you have the  eternal peace  & happiness you surely deserve ...
and don't worry,
things would work out ok for everyone ... 
One day will come when we would all reach the end of our own journey ... with contentment and no regrets I hope
It's just a matter of racing against time to get all the necessary changes done ... right here ... right now .

Thank You Pepe for all the lovely moments and words you had shared with me ... they will forever linger in mind , heart & ears

 I will never forget you !

May Peace Be With You 
Always ...

Lots Of Love,

Friday, February 24, 2012

A Baby of Mine ...

 Yesterday was Feb 23 , 2012 ,  was my 14th Wedding Anniversary. I was pre-occupied by cleaning all over the house coz the pest control guy is coming over during the day. When suddenly, I got distracted from my house chores by the sudden ringing of my mobile phone in my bag. I hurriedly grabbed it from inside the bag .Quickly enough so not to have a missed call . I saw the caller was not from Perth WA. It was Bee Lin , my Singaporean lady friend who had adopted my 2 Shar pei dogs in August 2010 when I left Singapore to live in Perth . She had called from Singapore.

She sounded a bit sad with a very low voice which is not quite like her. I knew immediately she's bothered by something .That very moment I noticed her way of speaking, I got a bit uneasy and nervous . I was thinking ... something had happened to the dogs . Oh God no ... I hope not.

I used to have 2 dogs in Singapore. The 1st dog who enlightened my weary days was ZUMA.

Zuma is a female chocolate brown Mini-Shar pei which was bought in a pet shop in Singapore followed by the addition of a second 1 after 6 months who happened to be Cortez. The black color male Sharpei from Perth WA which hubby had bought online to keep Zuma some company.

God knows how much I miss both of them. Especially Zuma who had been my constant companion in my bedroom day & night. She was a good cure for my deppression and loneliness during those years my marriage was going down the drain.

She grew up thinking I was her mom I guess coz I had cuddled her twice in her sleep on my belly by the sofa for  the 1st 2 nights she came to our house when she was about 3 months old. I couldn't bear to hear her crying downstairs in her cage by the living room during the wee hrs of the night so  I would come down to remove her from the cage and wrap her with a tea towel, put her on my tummy and put her to sleep like a baby.She snores LOL!
 She slept nicely after that without anymore complains during the night!

 She would stay under my chair and wait till I go to bed before she goes back to sleep in her mat by the kitchen with Cortez. She was always hanging around in my beadroon and always there for me. She follows me everywhere I go in the house . I would even have no problem taking her out for a pee unlike my kids , hubby and helper who alwys have a hard time with her. They would need to bribe her with something to be able to get her out of the door with them.

Cortez on the other hand is one easy going male dog who loves going under the bushes and gets his nose brushed by the leaves & branches . He was 5 months old when he first came to Singapore from Perth. We picked him up from the airport when he first arrived in Changi airport in Singapore. He was so scared to come out of his cage that night that we gave him enough time to be at ease the moment he arrived in our place. He is one real funny character who just wouldn't care much and goes on his own until he finally realizes he's far away and lost LOL!

Anyways, back to my friend Bee Lin's call , she informed me that Zuma is not well. My heart sank immediately. She said Zuma would be staying in the clinic for a few days with a drip and sedated for 2-3 days until all her tests are done. The vet had found a growth inside her nose that no one had ever discovered and her kidneys are collapsing. She had been showing signs of poor health over the last few months which bothered Bee Lin over the last few months. I even saw and visited them in Singapore in December before going on holiday to Philippines and it's true she wasn't well coz she had lost a lot of weight. Although she was eating normally , her body weight had gone down dramatically for unknown reasons.

My daughter Tacha was trying to check if they had not forgotten the sitting and stay commands they were trained to do when they were with us . They still listen ... good smart dogs !

While on the other hand, as far as Cortez is concerned .. he's doing fine and very playful especially with Bee Lin's kids . Good thing about these dogs are they love kids and would surely die to protect them against anything!

Oh well ... I really seriously hope Zuma would pull thru all the pain at the moment and be able to recover fast . I feel so bad I'm not there to offer her any comfort. Her being in the hospital I'm sure makes Cortez feel insecured and scared back home too. He always go nuts when he doesn't see Zuma beside him. They were never separated ever since they got together. That's why I was so happy to have found a good friend ( Bee Lin ) who took both of them in her home.

Please get Well Soon ...
My dear Baby

Monday, February 13, 2012

About Polymer Clay ...

Would you like to guess what's been keeping me busy these days ? I have my stacks of never ending beads but seems like my creativity wanna expand to a much further level ! How I wish i could learn how to make glass beads but opportunities and class availability here in Perth is so limited and even narrowed to none ! What a pity .

I was in Spotlight craft store last week and while browsing for bed sheet covers on sale, I happened to pass by an alley full of Acrylic Paints, Brushes and  Sculpey Clay . I had heard about Sculpey from  some beaders before and I had seen some finished beads on the internet made fromn clay but I never had any idea what to do with the clay myself. I was thinking it was just probably something like a kid's playdough that anyone can mold with their bare fingers into whatever form and shapes they prefer. Hmmm since curiosity was creeping inside me, I took my reading glasses and read the instructions on the packaging regarding how and where to use such clay material. Seems like the process of molding it into beads and baking such in the oven is not too complicated as it seems . Eventhough I never liked the process of baking beads , there's no harm on trying to bake some ... LOL!

A bit more browsing thru the display of materials and then off I went to the cashier with a small 2oz pack of red and white Sculpey clay for my 1st clay beads making attempt. This is going to be a good trial and challenge for me to do ...  I told to myself .

The moment I arrived home, I was excited to check more facts and ideas in the internet about making clay beads and what materials could I have to start with in the process. I  took out a few of my metal findings I presumed I can use to  create molds for specific shapes. I started with making a flower mold using the white clay and formed a pair of hearts with the red clay. Then set the oven at 275 degrees accdg to Sculpey instructions.  I had put the white flower moding 1st in the oven for  about 15 mins but I noticed that it was not even 12 mins yet, I saw fumes coming out of the oven. Oh my God,  so I suspected something was not right. Well, I would admite that my very 1st attempt was a fail coz I had put the oven at 275 degrees centigrade and not fahrenheit so the oven went too hot for the clay.
The poor mold was burned ! Oh No !

Now this flower mold looked like a brown cookie to me and that's how my daughter described it as well upon seeing it. Yayyyyy!
Anyways, I set the oven to a lower temperature 130 degrees Centigrade the second time  and I started all over again. Then I had put the pair of heart beads with holes poked by a toothpick on to the tray and baked it for 15 mins as instructed !
Geeee....They were done so well that I was happy and was convinced to try out another design... a pig fridge magnet I had pre-formed with my fingers ! It was kinda cute ...

Hmmmmmm So I would now say , it's not too bad for a first time clay challenge at all ... based on what had happened,  I should read instructions even more carefully next time and be precise with the oven heat which is a very important part when  creating beads or other ornaments out of clay .

I had reviewed more comments regarding clay sculpting and how to paint or glaze the beads after few more days. Now this is also one interesting stage of this project.  But I don't have the necessary materials needed for it.

Now this is the time I got pushed back to Spotlight to gather more materials and some molding trays, paint brushes, Acrylic paints to start with and a bottle of Sculpey Gloss Glaze. I want my beads to have a shiny effect and not a matt finish. Especially for the hearts ! I had engraved my name's initial "W" and painted it with Black Acryllic  to give it a more personal touch.

I let the acrylic paint to dry for 30 mins before I coated the beads with Sculpey Gloss Glaze for the final finishing touch.

The best way to dry the gloss on a bead is by hanging the bead with it's sides away from anything it can come on contact with. So I used the head pins to hold the beads in place while drying them for at least 24 hrs.

As soon as the gloss is fully dried and the heart beads are ready ... I was excited to make a pair of earrings designed for Valentine's day . So I was really very concentrated last night on the making of these earrings I had designed using my very own handmade Clay heart beads matched with Swarovski Crystal Bicones, Czech Glass fire Polished Beads and finished off  by wire-wrapping all the beads with  Gun Metal color Artistic Wire ( permanently colored copper wire ).

Now isn't this clay beads project worth all the challenges ?

Happy Valentines To All of You !

( This photo courtesy of : http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photography-valentines-day-red-heart-with-rose-arrow-image7573082 )

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

February 1,2012 ~  I am trying to gather ideas to write about today. I even went to the beach in Scarborough about 15 mins drive from my kid's school to get some inspirations.  I was surprised when I reached the said place coz there's hardly anyone there today. I was thinking maybe I was a bit too early at 8:45 am. But , I was also suspecting due to the news I got yesterday that there was a tiger shark sighting and someone had drowned in the Brighton Beach area yesterday.
What a sad news tsk tsk !

Whatever the reason was, the beach was too quiet & empty without the surfers and usual swimmers. I just sat there with my coffee and an oats / honey cereal bar while the birds watched me from afar. I started to remember an occassion when there was this sneaky bird watching me while I went sunbathing on the same beach one day. The bird seemed to look so sneaky so I had kept an eye on it.
You never know what this little bird is capable of doing, it might bit my foot or do something unusual LOL!

One thing I enjoyed the most here in Perth is the nice fine sandy beaches.

The beaches are clean and well maintained with rangers patrolling all the time to make sure all is well & secured for the general public. Isn't that wonderful ?

Never mind if there are no trees that can provide some shades when it's burning hot coz I love being in the sun with my zero protection tanning oil everytime I lay on the sand. I guess I'm the only one putting that on the skin here ... almost everyone here spreads sunblock on their faces and arms and cover up to avoid skin cancer. Not me !

It's truly very hot nowadays in Perth.  On the 28th of January, it was extremely hot at a record breaking 42 degrees ! The hottest day ever recorded in 50 years ! The following days were from 36-38 degrees. I didn't notice it was that hot outside coz I'd been staying inside the house during those days suffering from my aching upper left back muscles while at the same time enjoying the coolness of our airconditioning at 21.5 degrees and trying to be in n out of my beadroom to clear my mess scattered all over my beading table. A good way to beat the heat outside ha-ha .

The only downside about the heat was our garden surrounding the house. The grass and shrubs are dead ... really really dead ! the water we put is not enought to combat the dryness and extreme heat during the day. Poor plants ! Even the big trees at the backside garden were shredding so much dry leaves everywhere. Such debris were such a huge mess but I'm not ready to sweep all of it. I had tried before and I ended up sweeping the whole damn yard for 3 continous days. So, never again ... period !

I'm just happy to concentrate and do my jewelries again. Especially now that my left burned hand had healed completely.

 I had so much beading to do again but with so little time as I have chores that needs to be done most of all. Take kids to school ... either go supermarket after or choose to come home fast and clear the mess at home, then cook lunch to take to kids at school coz they prefer the food I cook than the ones being offered in the school menu.Then come home again to eat my lunch and continue cleaning again , clearing the dishwasher or washing machine or the dryer or whatever needs to be put away in  cabinets. Everyday is always a busy life for me but I can still have time to do things for myself that I love to do. Beading which is my main therapy for happiness usually happens at night when everyone is fast asleep except for me. I'm a night owl and I would always be like this probably the rest of my life or perhaps until my bead room run out of materials which is impossible to happen ha-ha-ha !